1. a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish.
2. Psychoanalysis a person who suffers from narcissism, deriving erotic gratification from admiration of his or her own physical or mental attributes.
Some of you that know me will think spot on! But I think you are wrong… or maybe you’re right too!
And besides, who doesn’t derive erotic gratification?!?! Single guy people, single guy!
(b) None at all -- he hires menials for work that's beneath him.
2. Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
I never really fantasize about anything other than shagging Kate Beckinsale to be honest, BUT in that fantasy she finds me the hottest guy on the planet and wants to involve Liz Hurley too. So I am successful and in control too… Oh, and Mila Kunis has now heard about me and wants to join!! Damn, an early equaliser there!!
Now I do embellish and I do exaggerate and I add to stories to make them funnier or more interesting, but doesn’t everyone? Generally I am terrible about ‘bigging’ myself up, especially when it comes to appraisal time at work, so I reckon this one is null and void because everyone has to exaggerate sometimes, even if in jest. There’s a joke about inches here too… So score is still tied at 1-1.
Now I reckon the important word here is ‘expecting’. I never expect praise or admiration as I do not get it that often. However, I like to be praised and admired of course. All season I can think I have played football brilliantly, but every week I have the piss taken out of me, but then at the end of the season I am rewarded with Player of the Season, which means I was praised and admired after all. So I never expect it, but when it comes along I really milk it. So due to the wording, that’s 2-1 to me!
I act like I am special, I have that bravado I mentioned earlier. I am a shocking flirt and act like the women are lucky I am entertaining them, but secretly I don’t believe that. In fact I am quite insecure about many things. So just for that insecurity alone it makes it 3-1 to me.
6. Failing to recognise other people's emotions and feelings
And without even going into this I am giving myself a 4th point. I have a very caring side and can appreciate when someone needs something, a shoulder to cry on, cheering up or just someone to listen. Some of my closest friends come to me for advice. They don’t take that advice, they do the opposite, but I still recognise how they are feeling and adapt to that. 4-1 bitches!
I want to do what I want to do and so if I make plans or arrange then I expect them to come to fruition. I am a moody bastard if I have something planned and it doesn’t work out. Yeah, I am admitting a fault here for sure… 4-2 then, fine!
8. Taking advantage of others
I wouldn’t say I ever take advantage, in fact I would say I am often taken advantage of due to me being a nice guy. I often do favours or go above and beyond. Actually I think I know one person who would disagree with this, but their opinion doesn’t count, they should toughen up, bloody loser… So taking their pathetic reasoning out, which we shall never ask for as it’s worthless, I would say that’s 5-2 to me...
9. Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
10. Being jealous of others
The one trait that I do think I have above all others is this and boy do I wish I could drill it out of me. This especially comes into play with women who have very close male friends. It is something I cannot compute with me and do not understand all that well. IF a bloke is hanging round with a woman it’s surely because either something happened in the past or they want something to happen in the future. I admit defeat on this one. 5-4.
11. Trouble keeping healthy relationships
This one made me laugh… its those bloody women with close male friends that’s the issue, not me!! Ok, ok, ok… seeing as I am single then there’s the late equaliser with time running out…
Nah, no one hurts me, hard as nails me. I have a thick layer of skin that is impenetrable. I had my tear ducts taken out as crying is a sign of weakness. I have a heart of stone, a swinging brick and things slide off me like water off a ducks back. I am like the terminator, emotionless, uncaring, cold and calculated. No woman has ever rejected me… cough, couch, splutter!! So fuck you all, I don’t care, I make that 6-5 to me!
Oh man, this is playing tricks with me… I can’t breathe, am welling up! Maybe I am a narcissistic man! We’ll call it a draw and leave it there. I need some time alone…
So the final result seems to be a draw, which probably indicates I am not a narcissist as my friend suggested, but more that I have some narcissistic tendencies. Or some personal issues… Or I am just not the person I thought I was... Really I am a complete liar!!